Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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