So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
