my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Small penises have feelings too.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
