I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
