Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
