Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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