Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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