Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize