I love black thongs
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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