she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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