She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
