I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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