I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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