walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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