I looked at my own cervix.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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