I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
