The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
