i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
