Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
