if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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