I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We're not piercing ourselves today.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
