officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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