she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize