he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
