I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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