you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
