My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
