fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
