Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
