its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
