im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
