Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
