just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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