Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
