Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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