oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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