But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
