Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
