Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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