you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
