I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Nicole vs. Life
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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