So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
