I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
