it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
