i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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