so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
