Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just cropdusted the office
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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