Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize