We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
time to smoke my breakfast
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
