A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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