Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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