Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Vodka?
Forever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
