a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
