I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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