someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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