I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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