thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
