a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
As shirtless as possible
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
