Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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