I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
