and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
