my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I currently don't understand fingers.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
