Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
