real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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