you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
