I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
