that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
